Draft

In life many people strong and stable romantic relationship. When couples love and accept each other for who they are, it can lead to a healthier and better relationship. People can be happier in their relationships by building a solid foundation based on each other’s character. By evaluating each other’s core self, validation vs. knowing and time spent together can be shown how relationships can be happier.

            When we are in love with that special person or significant other at times we are afraid to show our true self. We are afraid of what they might think or how they might look upon us.  Our core self is our true character deep down inside where all our desires dreams and interest lies.  This is what makes us who are. When we show that loved one this precious gift inside of us we want them to accept it. If they do not then it can lead to us not wanting to be our selves around them. We would feel shy to do things, or feel that we might say the wrong thing. When that person accepts our core self it gives us the motivation and comfort to be ourselves around them because we know that they love us for who we truly are. That even if we do something awkward or like the weirdest things we will not be looked at anyway because no matter what we are accepted. Tal Ben-Shahar states, “To be loved for our wealth, power, or fame is to be loved conditionally; to be loved by our steadfastness, intensity, or warmth is to be loved unconditionally.” To have unconditional love depends on your love for the other person’s core self. By knowing your partner’s core self can help bring more happiness in your relationship.

            In building a stronger and happier relationship people need to want to be known than validated. Schnarch says, “To cultivate genuine intimacy the focus in a relationship must shift from the desire to be validated- seeking approval and praise- to the desire to be known.”  The process of being known never ends because it is that persons passions and desires.  Most people when they are in a relationship they want to be approved by their partner and they validate themselves. They feel that they need the admiration from that person and it is not until they want to be discovered for whom they are that can grow with their partner. We can cultivate our intimacy by knowing and being known. We can then deepen our intimacy by acting on our knowledge of one another-engaging in activities that are meaningful and pleasurable to ourselves as well as to our partner. (Tal Ben-Shahar p121)

            Spending more time with a loved one can always help bring happiness into your relationship. If both people in the relationship are rat racers they would not be happy in the long run because they would always work for the present. Also they would not spend as much time together. This can cause stress on the relationship and it can be difficult to grow.