In life many people want to have a strong and stable romantic relationship. When couples love and accept each other for who they are, it can lead to a healthier and better relationship. People can be happier in their romantic relationships by building a solid foundation based on each other’s character and identity. By evaluating each other’s core self, validation vs. knowing and time spent together can be show how relationships can be happier.
When we are in love with that special person or significant other at times we are afraid to show our true self. We are afraid of what they might think or how they might look upon us. Our core self is our true character deep down inside where all our desires dreams and interest lies. This is what makes us who are. Demir Melikşah studied that, “Higher levels of romantic relationship quality was related to higher levels of identity information.” (p210) When we show that loved one this precious gift inside of us we want them to accept it. If they do not then it can lead to us not wanting to be our selves around them. We would feel shy to do things, or feel that we might say the wrong thing at times. When that person accepts our core self it gives us the motivation and comfort to be ourselves around them because we know that they love us for who we truly are. Even if we were to do something awkward or like the weirdest things we would not be looked at anyway because we would be accepted. Tal Ben-Shahar states, “To be loved for our wealth, power, or fame is to be loved conditionally; to be loved by our steadfastness, intensity, or warmth is to be loved unconditionally.” (p114) To have unconditional love depends on your love for the other person’s core self. By knowing your partner’s core self can help bring more happiness in your relationship and start off on a good foundation.
In building a stronger and happier relationship people need to want to be known than validated. Schnarch says, “To cultivate genuine intimacy the focus in a relationship must shift from the desire to be validated- seeking approval and praise- to the desire to be known.”(p119) The process of being known never ends because it is that persons passions and desires. Most people when they are in a relationship they want to be approved by their partner and they validate themselves. They feel that they need the admiration from that person. It is not until they want to be discovered for whom they are that they can grow with their partner. We can cultivate our intimacy by knowing and being known. We can then deepen our intimacy by acting on our knowledge of one another-engaging in activities that are meaningful and pleasurable to ourselves as well as to our partner. (Tal Ben-Shahar p121) In my relationship, my boyfriend loves to bowl almost every weekend. I enjoy bowling but at times I would rather catch a movie. After a few times of going bowling with him the quality time we shared started to mean a lot to me. It meant more than just throwing a ball down a lane. He showed me tricks and different styles to bowling. It brought us closer and now I can actually bowl better. It gave me pleasure to indulge in an activity we both liked and we both received a good experience from it. Doing activities you and your partner enjoy, can help create a better understanding of each other’s passions and identity.
Spending more time with a loved one can always help bring happiness into your relationship. If both people in the relationship work all day and do not share anytime together it can cause damage to the relationship. Also their happiness level with each other would decrease. This can cause stress on the relationship and it can be difficult to grow with your partner if this occurs. Alan K. Goodboy and etc., suggests that if there is satisfaction lacking in a relationship it can cause the couple to engage in unfavorable behaviors. (p 74) There are many distractions in our world that can cause us to forget about spending time with a significant other. The internet, work, or even chores can play a role in relationships where each partner does not spend enough time together. If we do not take the time out of our everyday busy lives for a significant other it can cause the relationship to become distant and unhealthy. Although this causes some downfall in the relationship “unhappiness does not have to be permanent.” (qtd. in Kimbrough) There are some ways in which partners can spend time together while doing a chore or an activity. When cooking dinner if both partners make the meal together it can be more fun and exciting. You would be killing two birds with one stone by making dinner, and spending quality time with your partner. When you have to do house chores instead of one person cleaning you can divide the work, one can do the dishes and the other vacuum. It can be a fun cleaning day. Even nice long walks in a park or around your neighborhood can help bring you closer to your partner and bring happiness in your relationship because it gives you the opportunity to talk about each other’s past, and future goals. Aristotle states, “Happiness then is the best, noblest and most pleasant thing in the world.” We all want happiness and especially with the person we want to spend the rest of lives with, so therefore doing meaningful activities or errands together can help bring forth a happier and stronger relationship.
When you love someone for their inner qualities it builds a stronger romantic relationship. Being able to express yourself and feel comfortable with your partner creates a special bond that will base on each other’s identity. At times people may feel that they need to be praised and approved by their partner, but they cannot actually have a solid foundation if the relationship goes by validations. When you spend quality time with your romantic partner it can create a better relationship and you are able to grow with your partner to the next level. These findings are all ways on how a romantic relationship can be happier and develop with a sturdy foundation based on each other’s identify and character.
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